Political Bitches

Let’s talk about the Michigan/Florida controversy.

2008 Election History 101: The Democratic Party set guidelines and rules for how the states are allowed to carry out their primaries. Some of the rules were small and simple, such as “the candidates’ names must be listed in alphabetical order on the ballot,” and others were far more significant and meaningful, such as “you may not hold your primary before the date ______.” The date was different for most states, but each state received a window of time in which they were allowed to hold theirs. Each Party does this– Republicans too– and not just this season, but every election season. These rules are set down by Party officials, and for good reason. And the reason that the Parties tell the states when they can and cannot hold their primaries is because political strategy demands that some states vote before others. For instance: California cannot go first. They cannot be the first or even among the first to hold their primary, because it is such a huge state with so many delegates, that if it went first, the winner of California’s primary would receive loads of media attention, lots of support from delegates, and tons of money, on the notion that “well, if they can win California they’re pretty well set to win the rest.” And this is not always the case, obviously, so an early win in California would give democratic voters a false sense of who their candidate will be, thereby surprising and disenfranchising them later in the election season if the front-runner ends up being someone else. And what happens when voters are disenfranchised? They stop voting. Which, of course = bad for the Party.

So there is a method to the madness. Each Party sets these rules in place for specific and politically meaningful reasons.

So what happened this season to fuck it all up? Well, Michigan and Florida expressed their desire to break these rules and hold their primaries much earlier than allowed. The DNC (Democratic National Committee) told them– “Look, if you go through with this, we’re not counting your votes. Your delegates won’t be counted. I don’t know how else to phrase it. You’ll be holding your primary for nothing.” Like jackasses, both states decided to call the DNC’s bluff, and went through with it anyway, holding their primaries months before schedule. This threw off the Democrats’ election season, forcing other states to re-schedule their primaries, costing the Democratic Party money and resources. So what did they (the DNC) do? Exactly as they warned: they didn’t count their votes.

And now Florida and Michigan are “outraged” like little toddlers who’ve had their gummy bears taken away for misbehaving. “My God, how dare you do what you said you’d do?!” And they’re calling out the DNC as being undemocratic, or better yet, anti-American, because they’re “disrespecting and disregarding the traditions of democracy which demand that all votes be counted.” Hillary Clinton is eating this up, because she would do well in both states, meaning that if the DNC folds under pressure and decided to count Florida’s and Michigan’s votes, and/or Florida and Michigan are permitted to hold another primary, it will do her campaign a lot of favors. It’s a Hail Mary for the candidate who just got her ass kicked in both North Carolina and Indiana last night (yes, Indiana too, because she only won by 2% and was supposed to win by huge margins, meaning her “I’m more electable than Obama in November” argument is null).

Here’s what I think, because did you really expect me not to tell you?

SHUT THE FUCK UP. You broke the god damned rules. Get over it. It’s not like you weren’t warned multiple times. It’s not like anyone forced you to go outside your own Party’s guidelines and sabotage other states’ primary schedules. Secondly, it isn’t undemocratic not to count your votes, for two reasons. First of all, you made the choice not to have your votes counted by being pompous disobeying douche bags. I.e., it isn’t undemocratic not to count your vote when you asked for your vote not to be counted.

Secondly, these are the primaries, people. These are the elections to determine Parties’ nominees for the presidential election in November. No one is taking away your Constitutional right to vote in the General Election. No one is telling you that, come November, you won’t have a voice. These.are.primaries. And what are primaries? Primaries are Party-sponsored, Party-regulated, and Party-run elections to decide who best represents their Party. So when you flip the bird to your Party and decide not to accept the Party’s rules in the Party’s– not nation’s!– elections, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS. And there is nothing undemocratic about it, because the Party system isn’t written into our Constitution, isn’t even a democratic ideal or principle, it is an informal invention and tradition. There are no laws or rights for Political Parties in the U.S. because they weren’t supposed to fucking exist in the first place. Therefore, Political Parties are legally and rightfully allowed to conduct themselves however they see fit. So this controversy over not counting two states’ primaries because they broke their own rules is no controversy at all. If Florida and Michigan don’t like it, they can leave the Party. No one’s stopping them.

Political Parties are like clubs. When the club’s president tells you that “X” is not acceptable behavior during club meetings, and you do “X” anyway, what the fuck do you expect? “ZOMG, u be tellin me not to do dis, den I be doin it n u gets upsetz?! Who culd of new?!” Or would you go about whining about principles of democracy? LULZ, shut up, it has nothing to do with that, you’re still going to get to help determine who will be the president… Just not who will be your party’s nominee. Why? Because you… fucked over your party. Logical deductions FOR THE WIN.

I think the only reason people feel as if they have any right to throw a hot little shitfit over this is because they bear the painful misconception that political parties are state-regulated/based in law, when they’re not. I mean, really, the Democratic and Republican parties don’t even have to hold primary elections at all. The Party officials could just meet around a table, flip a coin or play Pin the Tail on the Right Candidate, and choose that way, and it would be perfectly fucking okay. Just like if you joined a club at school, and they told you, “sure, you can join, but just so you know– we don’t eat cherries. If you eat cherries here, you’re out.” Fine! And if you have a problem with that, guess what amazing little option you have? LEAVE. When you choose to join an informal club such as a political party, you are choosing to respect and abide by the terms and conditions. This isn’t the fucking government. If the government refused to count your vote, or if the government told you that you aren’t allowed to eat cherries, that would be a HUGE fucking problem. Seriously. I would personally revolt. Yes, even over the cherries. Don’t mess with the maraschinos. But this isn’t the government! This is an informal group of crazies who rally around half-baked political ideals and spam your inboxes with petulant little bits of propaganda! That’s it! Nothing more!

And this is partly why I fucking despise Political Parties. Which is another post for another day, but yeah, I don’t do Parties. Hence half of the reason I registered as an Independent. Because I chose not to join. But you know what I didn’t do? I didn’t choose to join and then bitch about the terms involved in joining.

That’s Florida’s and Michigan’s job.

-Elysa